Kate Minus Hate

Admittedly, I watch very little television. If someone stole the TVs out of my house, it would probably take me a long time to notice, except for the fact that I will cop to occasionally using the TV as a babysitter to keep AC occupied for a while. While it can be disturbing to see your kid completely engrossed and staring with a vacant stare reminiscent of a lobotomized patient in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", Spongebob Squarepants can still be a tired single mom's best friend.

For years, I'd heard of friends watching "Jon and Kate Plus Eight". I saw little entertainment value in this show. First, it left me wondering what sort of people have eight children on purpose. Second, is watching the crazy, loud antics of these children really that entertaining? If I wanted crazy, loud antics, I could skip the TV and just look to my own house.

Nevertheless, when the tabs started reporting last spring on the growing marital problems between Jon and Kate, my eyes slightly perked up as I read my weekly magazines. At the time, I was desperate to get out of my own marriage, and any marital discord and reported splits between celebs became automatic fodder for my own thoughts: Look! If it didn't work for Jon and Kate, what does that say for the rest of us, who don't have the luxuries that millions of dollars and servants provide? If they can't make it under the best of circumstances, how could the average couple make it?

The media and what felt like virtually the entire country grew to be anti-Kate, thanks largely in part to Kate's rumored b!tchiness toward Jon. After all, if Kate could just be nicer to Jon, then he wouldn't have to cheat, but with that b!tch of a wife, how could he not? I decided I needed to see this b!tchiness for myself, mostly because I, too, had been accused of being a b!tch toward my husband, a trait that I partially agree with but fully blame on his own traits, including laziness and stupidity. Someone had to keep the guy in line with plenty of nagging, and since as his wife, this job fell on me. It was not unlike trying to raise a teenager, because my ex-husband is at the same maturity level as one.

After determining that TLC was featuring a Jon and Kate marathon on Memorial Day weekend, I decided I'd check this out. After watching Kate, I was literally in tears--of joy, from laughing so hard. Kate and I were virtually identical on the b!tch scale, and I had said some of the exact same b!tch-phrases to my ex-husband, including complaining about him breathing too hard. In my mind, this Kate Gosselin was hilarious! I wondered if we'd somehow been separated at birth. Just like that, Jon and Kate went from my idea of a horror show to a comedy. Kate Gosselin. Best. B!tch. Ever. You say Kate's crazy? Well, I GOT her crazy.

Unfortunately, as the Jon and Kate divorce talk intensified, so did everyone's hatred of Kate. Since I already have a very similar hair style as Kate--except mine is symmetrical--I felt it my duty to defend Kate's honor. I insisted that there was no "poor Jon" in this situation. He was the one who brought on his own b!tch. I acted just like Kate, and I knew just why. No matter what people or tabloids insisted, I defended Kate.

Shortly after their separation, Jon started acting like the immature, lazy teenager that he had always been, and suddenly public support flipped from Jon to Kate. She's not so crazy anymore, is she? Luckily, I had the same experience when I divorced my husband: guess who looks like the crazy one now? Sure, it takes laying low and aligning yourself with the proper allies, but in time, all those b!tch phrases pay off when the world gets to see exactly why you had to act that way.

With Jon and Kate's divorce finalized yesterday, one can't help but be happy for her. She's proven her net worth as a b!tch, and was named as one of Barbara Walters' Ten Most Fascinating People of 2009, and one of People's 25 Most Intriguing People. Jon, on the other hand, has done what? Date girls half his age? Stolen money from bank accounts? Made ridiculous fashion decisions that prove he still lives with a teenager's mentality?

I like to think this little moral of the story also applies in my own marriage: who's the little b!tch now, baby?