Baby Daddy Drama

February 12, 2009
I have not spoken with my father, albeit a few mail correspondences, for nearly a decade. I last saw him at an engagement party hosted in my honor...when I was engaged to my first fiance. Upon dumping him and calling off a wedding in favor of my current husband, he has all but disowned me. I don't see this as a terrible loss, as he has never been involved with my life. He did not attend my wedding, has never met my husband and certainly has never met AC. In conversation, he is commonly referred to as "Sperm Donor", as this was the most major impact he has made on my life.

Alas, he periodically sends holiday cards. As my birthday and Christmas fall within the same week, I typically get either a birthday card or a Christmas card--never both. This year, a generic Christmas card arrived with a check indicating that he was "consolidating all holidays into one check this year." Okey-dokes. I promptly cashed the check, which I inevitably used to pay the power bill, so at least the Christmas tree would have lights for the holiday.

In my defense...I am really, really busy. I mean like, Superwoman busy. I work full time, and I take care of my ferret the rest of the time. On top of that, I try and service my husband to his satisfaction, keep the public health department away from my house and anything and everything else that goes with parenthood and adulthood. So, I will admit: I was behind on my written correspondence. Hey, that's life. I am quite prompt with my online correspondence, and since Sperm Donor hasn't hopped into the 21st Century yet, he's not into that.

Today in the mail arrived a card in a pink envelope, addressed to me, but presumably for AC's recent birthday. I cringed upon seeing the return address: Sperm Donor. Crap. I STILL hadn't gotten around to writing that thank-you note for the holiday card, had I? I opened the card to find a generic-looking children's card and a check...along with a note from the Sperm Donor himself, indicating that while he knows I am busy, he is disturbed that he did not receive a card from me, and takes this as a sign that "we want nothing to do with him." However, he would like to continue acknowledging AC.

Yeah, I know. I should've gotten around to sending that thank-you note. I bet my icon, Jackie Kennedy, didn't procrastinate on her written correspondence, though I suspect she probably had more time for such pursuits. All the same, it was a slap. My mother--or my husband's parents--certainly would understand the circumstances I am under time-wise, and frankly, Sperm Donor could not relate as he's never been in those circumstances. When I was a toddler, he was married to my mother, but he was disassociated with my upbringing and did not participate: of course he can't understand what it's like to raise a toddler, much less work on top of that!

So, I finally got to the thank-you letter, apologizing for my "delay in written correspondence"--which is an excuse he used with me when I was a child and he did not respond to one of my letters. I explained that he is welcome to continue acknowledging AC should he choose; however, as an adult, I hope he thinks this through, as AC has a grandfather who is very active in her life and sees her once a week...how does he propose that we explain his "grandfatherly" presence to our innocent child? Think about it.

My mom asked if I felt guilty. No, I do not.